Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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