I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
