she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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