spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize