when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
