Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
