As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
