I'm gonna have a badass scar
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
