listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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