and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
