Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
