idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
