I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
