Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
