she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
