im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
