I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
