check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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