you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
