I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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