Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
