I'm going to jail i love you
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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