Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
