I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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