I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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