Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
