Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
