You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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