if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
