they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
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