apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
