as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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