I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
