I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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