y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Randomize
