I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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