I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
