Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
