Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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