No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
