Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
