No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
