When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
