It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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