just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
