You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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