how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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