whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
