You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
