She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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