Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
