And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Panties = found
Randomize
