I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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